Remember to Breath

So I was going to title this blog entry, “The Best Way to Detoxify is to Retoxify”, but I think I have written enough entries about going out and having a great time. This past weekend was the annual Mifflin Street Block Party. I had a super great time with my friends and there are definitely stories that I will remember (surprisingly!) for the rest of my life. I won’t go into details because I want to write about something that has been bothering me for the past few weeks. I figure it was only a matter of time before I wrote the obligatory “graduation fears” post. I am sure everyone else who is graduating is freaking out as well but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel really really scared. The only life I have known for the past four years is about to be royally turned upside down. I am fortunate enough to have a family who is completely supportive of me taking the next year off before going to graduate school.

What I think is really bothering me is that I have just started to become the man who I want to be. It really hasn’t been till this year that I have started to feel comfortable in my own skin. When I look back on the past three years it is as if I am looking at three different Joels. I had no fucking idea who I was freshmen year but I don’t think anyone knows who they are in their first year. Gina affectionately refers to sophomore year as my “GAY year”. During this year I dabbled in all things stereotypically gay. All that I took from this year was a deep appreciation of Madonna and a unique set of “make-out” songs. (If you want to know what the songs are post a comment and I will reveal them. Trust me they are doozies.) Junior year was my hump year. I had just started working in a research lab and I was way busier than ever before. Also, my living situation was only made bearable by frequent excursions to Gina’s apartment and holing up in my roommate Kara’s room. I can honestly say that junior year blew major ass. I think that is why I made a concerted effort to make this year the best it could be and for the most part it has been.

I know it is childish but I don’t want things to change. I have met so many awesome people this year and deepened relationships with others. I can only hope that this summer will be one of the best ever. I am worried though because so many people I love are going to be leaving right after graduation. Even just thinking about my friends leaving makes my eyes water (Yeah, I know, I can be a little emotional). I know I have a readership of tens, (if that), but I would appreciate any advice with dealing with such an insane time.

Artist: Madonna, how apropos