So I haven’t posted for quite some time. The reason for this is that on some level I knew what I would be writing about and I didn’t want to face it. For the past few weeks I have been staying up later and later, dreading the point when I attempt to fall asleep. Therefore, I end up falling asleep around 4:30-5:00 in the morning and then waking some time around noon in a major funk. Each night I tell myself that I will force myself to wake up so that I can have a full day and reset my sleep schedule but when my alarm goes off in the morning I turn it off right away. I have been in this daze for the past two weeks and I don’t know what to do about it. The problem is I have more time than things to fill that time so I end up wasting the day in bed. For some reason I am majorly scared that somehow I am going to totally mess up my entire life. I don’t have a job right now because I will only be in Madison for about two more months and luckily I am in a position where I don’t have to get a job right away. I don’t want to be one of those people who complain about how their good life made it difficult for them to handle real life because I don’t feel that way. All I have ever known and been good at was school and now I have to enter the real world and I am terrified that I am gonna screw up royally. I have a general outline about what I am going to be doing but an outline isn’t a guarantee.
This all boils down to one thing: I have no control over my life and I don’t handle lack of control well. Sometimes it is much easier to just go with the flow rather than forcing yourself to do something that may be hard but good for you. I can see it clearly in how I have been living my life since summer started. I have lost all self-control and just acted on my hedonistic impulses. Not gonna lie they may have to take away the Former from my FFK status. I go out at least three nights a week and then pillage the late night eateries on State St. Before summer started I joked to my roommates that by the end of the summer I hoped to have developed an addiction to a hard drug. The way things look right now, that isn’t so much of a joke anymore. Obviously things are not as dire as I am making them in this post but I have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills. I once thought I had frostbite on my toe when in actuality it was just a blister; WebMD is the devil. All in all I need a major change in my life right now and I think that this post is going to be my public declaration that I am gonna start tomorrow. I know it is going to be hard in the beginning but nothing good ever came easy. Ugh that is such a cliché but it’s true.
Artist: Your Vegas
