I'm Half Italian, Half Jessica Simpson

This past week I was lucky enough to be able to visit some friends in Seattle. Upon my arrival I was informed that Seattle is known as the Emerald City due to the amount of trees and various flora that surrounds the city. Without sounding too much like a gay cliche, by nightfall I definitely felt like I wasn't in Kansas anymore. I was staying with some friends who live on Queen Anne Hill which is right across Lake Union from Capitol Hill, the gay neighborhood. It took less than 8 hours for me to be drinking in various establishments with the typical thinly veiled names: The Cuff (my favorite), Purr, R Place Neighbors. To best explain my foray into gay Seattle I will break it down into the few encounters I had with the locals.

Anthony- about 5'3" somewhat squirrelly, and quite chatty.

"Hi, my names Anthony, what's yours?"

"Um, my names Joel, what's up?"

"Not much, just so you know I'm part Italian and part Jessica Simpson."

"What does that even mean, like are you buffalo chicken wings Jessica or Chicken of the Sea Jessica because it matters?"

"Hey I gotta go find my friends, see you later Joel."

To my surprise Anthony kept popping up when I would least expect it. At one point Kyle had to tip me off that he was nearby seeing as how I was talking about how weird he was.

Rando- I was too drunk to notice fine details like height and name

"Do you have any coke?"

"Huh?"

"Do you have any coke?"

"What about a joke?"

"COKE!"*taps his nose*

"Oh uh sorry I don't."

Jerry- 6'3" at least 250lbs, leather harness

I was with Kyle because we were about to head to the dance floor and boogie down when he ran into the guy who sold him and Josh their sweet T.V. I was standing just kinda looking around when this large bear, Jerry, came up to me and asked me what my name was. Now at this point in the night I was only able to tell him my name and then proceed to laugh and smile like an idiot. Do not be confused that I was reacting this way because I was into Jerry, I just couldn't get over how ridiculous of a situation I was in. Jerry and I talked for awhile, he told me I had cute dimples, finally Josh found me. As I was turned away from Jerry to talk to Josh, Jerry took it upon himself to give me an unsolicited back rub. Needless to say I booked it out of there as fast as possible. 

There you have it. I experienced the diverse mosaic of gay life in Seattle and I was able to escape with no scars, physical or emotional, and some awesome stories. The biggest surprise of all though was the fact that I feel in love at first sight with a man wearing only a leather vest and jeans. I shit you not, I froze when I saw this man. Even better when he saw that I was staring, he smiled back at me and asked me how I was doing. Unfortunately his friends pulled him away before I could get his name. 

Ahh Seattle I will be back soon!

Listening to: Mamma Mia Soundtrack