Because Procrastination Is What I Do

So right now I should be working on slides for a poster that needs to be done by Sunday. Now you may think that that leaves me plenty of time to work on it this week but I have some guests coming into town on Friday so I should really be getting this stuff done. The thing is, I just don't want to work on it. My avoidance is reaching the levels it was at when I was applying to grad school. I have checked every blog I read like 6 times, scoured HuffPo for any interesting news stories, Twittered, and now I am blogging. As a side note, a dude just walked by in jean shorts, ahhh Spring. See, this is how not into doing work right now I am. If I could just get myself to put in some effort for like 2 hours, I know that I could get some quality work done. 

So as I said earlier, I recently starting Twittering and I really think that the format compliments my personality. I am a horrible story teller, either I will start a story that kind of just wanders without an end or it will be a, "you had to be there" story. Therefore, blogging isn't something that comes easy to me. I rarely reread my posts and think, "wow that post flowed so well, and it was funny!" Which brings me back to Twitter, by only being able to write short snippets I don't have to be so worried with where it is going. A quick quip is all that is required rather than a long post filled with funny anecdotes and jokes. This must say something about who I am as a person. 

11:11 Make A Wish

As many of you know by now, a week ago today I found out that I got into grad school. Out of 320 applicants, 3 of us were chosen. It still blows my mind that I was accepted, especially since it seemed that every other applicant was from an Ivy League. Not that Wisconsin is anything to laugh at; our clinical program was/is ranked first in the nation. Too bad that ridiculous amounts of competition and back biting came out of that rating. I think that is what drew me the most to Vanderbilt, all the faculty seemed to genuinely like one another. Rather than viewing another's achievement as a threat, the Vandy profs bragged about their fellow faculty. The financial package that comes with the admission offer isn't something to scoff at either. My schooling will be paid for in full for all five years and I will receive a stipend each year for the nine months I am in school. Dr. Park, the prof I will be working with, said she will cover the other three months with a grant she has. Oh and if that wasn't enough, there is a chance that I could do research in Zurich, Switzerland for a summer. Someone please pinch me because this has to be a dream.

Last night I was driving home from watching the Oscars at Em's house and the clock said 11:11. I am a huge geek so whenever I notice the clock is 11:11 I do the whole, "make a wish" thing. Prior to last week, the wish always was that I hoped I got into grad school. Prior to that it was I hope I do well on the GRE. I am afraid that at my weaker moments I even wished for a boyfriend. Last night though, when it was 11:11 came around, I didn't make a wish. There is nothing that I want right now that I don't already have and that is a pretty darn good feeling. 

Now the only thing that is left is for the weather to turn warm here in the MPLS and rock out all summer long. I foresee another trip to Seattle, drinking around the lakes here (I wonder if they serve beer at the food stand on Lake Calhoun?), and just enjoying myself before I have to dedicate the better half of the next decade to becoming a doctor. 

Domino's MVP

Just when I thought I was getting the hang of making healthy life choices, my dark past has come back to rear its ugly head. Not moments ago, the buzzer to my apartment was rung. Seeing as how this building is too old to have an intercom system I had to hurry down stairs to the front door. When I got there I saw the postman putting today's mail into everyones boxes. He looked up at me and asked, "204?". I responded that I was the tenant at 204 and he hands me my mail saying, " I was able to get the netflix into your box but this wouldn't budge." I was hopeful that maybe it was an envelope from one of the seven other schools I applied to but it was not. No, instead of a letter of acceptance, it was a hard envelope addressed to Domino's Pizza MVP. I cannot tell you how much my heart sank when I read that. I got upstairs and opened it immediately. Inside the hard envelope was another envelope. The second envelope said that something this important required two envelopes. The suspense was killing me so I opened the second envelope and inside it was a letter thanking me for being such a valued customer, and for being such a loyal patron they gave me a free one topping pizza coupon. Now I am sure most of you read this and think wow that is so awesome I wish I received free Domino's coupons in the mail. Just think for the moment though on how much I probably had to spend to reach that level and how much pizza that means I have consumed. I had hoped that by trying to get back into shape I would have left that world behind but it looks like it isn't ready to give me up so easily. 

Up In The Sky! It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's...

When I look back on my childhood, some of my best memories are of me playing in my room. I was never much of an outdoors kid, preferring to play inside with my toys or read the newest Bailey School Kids book. Of course when I had to I would play outside with the rest of the neighborhood kids, but it was never as fun as when I was by myself. When I played in my room, I could let my imagination run wild. I remember playing with my X-Men action figures for hours creating the most convoluted stories. Sometimes my dad would join me, he always chose to be Cyclops which was totally cool with me since I never really cared for Cyclops. Looking back I know that my dad would have preferred to take me outside and have me work on my swing or catching ground balls. Rather than forcing me to do something I didn't want to do, my dad accepted me for who I was and played action figures with me. That's the thing with my dad, he has always accepted me for who I was rather than expecting me to fit a predetermined role. 

I don't know when I first discovered superheroes but I am forever grateful that I did. These heroes represented everything that I wanted to be and I set out to learn as much about them as I could. I wanted to know how they became who they were so that I could hopefully join their ranks one day. The best thing about the X-Men is that they didn't become superheroes because of some gamma ray accident or being bitten by a radioactive spider. The X-Men were born with their powers. When I went to bed, rather than praying for a new bike or an A on a test, I would pray that I would develop powers. See, the X-Men didn't develop their powers until they were teenagers so from the age of 7 to probably 13 I was still holding out that I would one day be able to fly or freeze things with my touch. Unfortunately I never developed any powers and as I got older I would bring out the X-Men less and less. It seems that along with the toys, my imagination was brought out less and less as well. I used to create entire worlds within my room and these days I have difficulty visualizing an outfit I would want to wear. If your imagination needs to be worked like a muscle to be maintained, then I have let it atrophy. Maybe it is the winter but I feel like when I look around everything seems so boring and plain. What I wouldn't give to be able to look at the world like I used to. Rather than just seeing life as it is, I want to see life as it could be. I don't mean for this to sound like a loss of innocence or something but things seemed so much cooler when I was younger. Who knows maybe those powers are still in me, we Petermans are late bloomers.

Bartender, Gimme A Beer

Those would have been the words I would have said if the airport bar hadn't called last call as I was walking up to the counter. One of the great things about being of age is that you can be tipsy plus on a flight if you want to. I am flying the red eye back to Minneapolis and I wanted a chemical helper in my attempt to get any sleep on this flight. The drinks at the bar for sure would have been cheaper than the five dollars I will have to pay on the flight for a little bottle that wouldn't get my little brothers buzzed. It is a matter of public safety that I get a little sleep on this flight because I am gonna be driving myself home tomorrow morning from the airport. I don't want to be cracked out on lack of sleep and taking the 35W which is best likened to a series of sharp turns coupled with potholes that could double as in ground pools. 

I had a blast being home these past five days. Of course the weather was a much appreciated change from the bitter cold I am returning to. I was able to spend time with my family, go out with my brother, and see a bunch of movies. While the amount of time since I had seen my family last wasn't all that much longer than when I was in school, it was different this time. The time I have spent in Minneapolis has been so different from my time in school, I feel more cut off from my family. There is a greater sense of permanence in Minneapolis than there was in Madison. I have my own apartment, I will be registering my vehicle in the state of Minnesota, and hopefully becoming a member of the service industry soon after getting back. This is a level of reality that never existed in Madison and it is scary. 

I saw some great movies over this trip. I love the fact that during my time in Minneapolis I have seen a total of one movie and during my five day stay in Vegas I saw three. On Christmas Day, my dad, Jordan, and I saw Milk. That was quite the experience to say the least. I got uncomfortable when I saw Old School with my dad and there were boobies shaken all over the place, the idea of sitting next to my dad while Sean Penn and James Franco go at it did not sit well with me. I didn't realize until now the humor in the fact that I saw a movie about a gay rights activist's life on the day Jesus was supposedly born. Something tells me the social justice Jesus would be cool with it while the born again Jesus would damn me to hell all the while secretly wishing he had seen it too. It was a pretty darn good movie, definitely one that I will need to see again to truly decide my thoughts on it. The movie I have no problems rating is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This movie was absolutely amazing! It is crazy long (almost 3 hours) but everyone in it is phenomenal. My brother said that it cemented his rule of seeing anything with Brad Pitt in it. In my mind Brad Pitt has definitely moved from just an attractive actor to an attractive actor who has an amazing talent. Also, Cate Blanchett is both stunning and great in the film. I will definitely be buying this movie when it comes out.

I am glad that I stayed in Vegas for as long as I did because it has recharged my batteries. I am ready to get back to Minneapolis and get things in order. While it has been great to sit on my couch and lounge around, I need to get out in the city and meet people. I mean I just watched the premier of The City on MTV tonight and if Whitney Port was able to find a BFF and an aussie boyfriend who might not be ready to settle down than I should be able to do it as well. Hell I am ahead of her I got friends, although to be honest they don't seem nearly as interested in my life as Erin is of Whitney's. If these first two episodes are any indicator of the season then the producers are trying to remove all the silent staring from The Hills with methamphetamine induced speed talking. It is going to be a great season.

Humble Pie

So I think that I need to eat a large piece of humble pie. I just got home from picking up the lady who is the caretaker of our building from work. On Monday she came to my door and asked me if I would be so kind as to pick her up from work on Wednesday night. She said that the person who usually picked her up was unavailable for some reason so she had to find a new ride home. I was fairly caught off guard but I agreed to pick her up because Tis The Season and it would have been a pretty asshole thing to say no to her since I didn't have anything going on anyway. I wasn't so much worried about the hassle of picking her up but more so about the potentially awkward drive home. To my pleasant surprise, the drive home was actually quite enjoyable and I think I owe her an apology.

See, when I first met Leslie, the caretaker, I immediately seized on certain characteristics and then made assumptions about who she was. She is rather small in stature and has a raspy voice which makes her somewhat difficult to understand. To be honest I wasn't all that sure what I was agreeing to on Monday until the conversation was almost over. Due to this communication issue, I made the assumption that she was a little slow if not slightly touched in the head. Well it looks like I need to reassess how I look at other people and not make judgements until I get to know them. During our drive home I found out that Leslie graduated college with a degree in early childhood education and worked as a preschool teacher for something like 35 years. In 2006 her license was revoked, all she said was that she told off her employers and was subsequently fired. Due to being at that job for so long, she said she never really learned how to use computers so she had a rude awakening when she had to apply for jobs. 

Also during the drive we talked about the people who live in the building and I was even able to find out more about my building crush: First Floor Guy. Turns out he is from Germany and is only here for about a year. Any who, after riding with Leslie I learned that I could use a lesson or two about reserving judgement and not making assumptions. While rough around the edges at the beginning, Leslie is a sweet lady who proved me wrong.

Sleep is For Suckers

So right now I am sitting in a coffee shop near my apartment about to work on finishing my Statements of Purpose for grad school. Over the last three days I have already written 4 and I just have two more schools. I am hoping that it won't be too hard to punch out these last two but there may be a wrench in my mental gears; I got 3 hours of sleep last night. I kid you not, I think I finally fell asleep around 6 and I got up at 9. I swear I have had the worst insomnia for the past six months. To make a long story short, I dread going to bed because when I do, I lay there thinking about all the shit I have to do and I start freaking out about things. Usually I can silence this riot inside my head by repeating my mantra of, "I may have all these things to do but I can't do anything about them now so just let it go." Unfortunately this is harder to do when all I can think about is getting into (or not getting into) grad school. The rest of my applications are due a week from today and I am so looking forward to letting go of this part of the process. Once I turn them in they will not be my problem anymore, it will be in the hands of the admissions committee. But that puts a whole other panic to trying to fall asleep. Obviously I really want to go to grad school and I think I would be majorly bummed out if I didn't get in anywhere. I am applying to 8 schools and that is seen as on the lean side among people applying to clinical psychology programs.

In other news, I finally found a cute guy in my building! I think that he lives on the first floor and he has dirty blonde hair and some good looking scruff on his face. I met him when our caretaker, Leslie, buzzed all of our doors at 9 in the morning on Saturday because we had to move our cars from the lot so that it could be plowed. I didn't have one of those snow brushes at the time so I brought down a towel to brush off enough snow so that I could drive without killing anyone. As I was cleaning my car, first floor guy asked if I wanted to borrow his brush. I said sure so I took it from him as he drove his car over to the church parking lot next to our building. I cleaned my car and drove over to the lot and parked next to him. We then walked back to our building and said goodbye to each other. So yeah, we are going to be getting married pretty soon. I will get the announcements out as soon as possible.

I am heading home on the day of Baby Jesus' birth. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing my dad and brothers. Also, the weather will be a nice respite from the frigid winter that has taken over Minneapolis. I went to this thing called Holidazzle, its a parade of floats with varying themes covered in lights, with the girls this weekend and I am pretty sure I experienced the beginning stages of hypothermia. At one point I went inside the building we were standing next to so that I could warm up and I took my shoes off so that my feet could warm quicker. My shoes felt like mini ice-boats on my feet. I don't know what compels Minnesotans to hold a parade in the middle of December, Scandinavian resolve?, pride?, but only here would an outdoor parade be attended by so many people. Oh and my favorite float was the one with a circus theme and there were little children dressed and acting like animals. So adorable!

I am pretty sure I would give a non-vital organ to be this tan again: 

It may  not look like much by that is pretty dark for me and I can just feel the color slipping away from my body. I am not a pretty pale either.

Oh I totally forgot! I was talking to my dad yesterday and he told me a story that made me super happy. He was outside playing catch with my little brother Kevin and a plane happened to fly over them. Kevin looked up at it and said, "You know, if Joel was on that plane then that would mean he would be home and that would make me happy." Isn't that the sweetest thing you have ever heard? I love kids, whatever pops into their head they say. There is no self-sensor with children which is practically unheard of in adults.